The Lost Episode of Married...With Children
If you haven't heard of the hit sitcom Married...With Children, then you're a delusional bitch pickle. I'm sorry, that was very rude of me. Anyway, Married...With Children ''was a very popular sitcom during its ten year run from 1987 to 1997. It featured a shoe salesman named Al Bundy, whose life was made a living hell by his naggy bitch of a wife named Peggy, as well as his two nagging children Bud and Kelly. What most people don't know is that in 1989, a special episode of ''Married...With Children ''aired once, but was pulled from re-runs due to its...disturbing nature. The episode was a crossover with ''The Cosby Show ''and it involved Bill Huxtable buying shoes from Al, which somehow leads to a fight between the two. How I got this lost episode is actually very easy to explain. It was accidentally included in the complete second season of ''Married...With Children ''DVD box set's list of episodes and before the mistake was discovered the box set was en route to various big box stores, as well as several seedy gas stations in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. I was out shopping at my local Walmart at 1:30 AM on a Friday, picking up some random food to eat. I decided ''Hey, I'll go look for a movie to watch.'' Who gives a fuck if it looks like it was shot with a diseased hooker's anus?, so I went to the electronics aisle and looked around the movie section. After looking through shitty movie after shitty movie, I saw it. The complete second season of ''Married...With Children and it was on sale for $7.96. How could I pass up such an incredible bargain!? After I purchased my numerous food items and DVD set, I decided to swing by McDonald's to get something to eat. I ordered two plain McChicken sandwiches, a large Diet Coke with no ice, a large fry, and a Sausage McMuffin with egg. Yes, I know that's a lot of food, but I hadn't eaten all that much the day before because I knew I would be making a late night run to McDonald's. Anyway, I got home five minutes later, put my food away, took the plastic wrap off the DVD set, and took a disc out to put in my DVD player. I sat down on my somewhat outdated couch and began eating my delicious McDonald's dinner. When the disc menu popped up, everything looked to be in order. Well, that is except for the large text reading 'BUNDY VS. HUXTABLE-RARE LOST EPISODE!' above 'Play.' Feeling curious, I pressed this option and ate the buns off my McChickens. Hey, I like to eat those before the chicken. Don't get mad at me for that. The theme song for Married...With Children ''was playing alongside ''The Cosby Show's theme, making it sound like something you would hear at a public execution in Pyongyang. After that strange intro, the episode started. It showed Bill Huxtable's car pulling up outside the shoe store where Al worked. Bill, his wife Claire, and their daughter Rudy headed inside. "Oh fuck, it's that rapist piece of shit again," Al grumbled under his breath. Wait a second, how could this episode have predicted the Bill Cosby rape trial of the late 2010s? Also, Al never swore that much, so that threw me off. Plus, he never got that harsh with customers, no matter how badly he was treated. Anyway, Rudy began looking at a pair of light up sneakers and began begging her parents to buy them for her. After hearing this happen for barely 30 seconds, Al snapped "Buy something or get the fuck out!" Rudy started to cry as her mother grabbed the shoes and brought them to the front counter for purchase. Even after the shoes were purchased, Rudy wouldn't stop crying. Al tried plugging his ears with numerous items, such as his fingers and two pieces of string cheese, but nothing could keep the noise from bugging the shit out of him. Seeing that Al was increasingly annoyed by Rudy's crying, Claire tried to apologize, but Bill stopped her. "I'm not going to let this man talk down to my little princess like that!" Bill snapped as he began eating a cup of grape Jello. Al and Bill go back and forth for at least four minutes, screaming about why Rudy's crying isn't Al's fault. Another minute passed before Bill finally shouted "It's decided! We'll be having a Jello wrestling match tomorrow night at the local community center!" What in the world was a Jello wrestling match? Did they wrestle in Jello or did they wrestle on top of Jello? Wait, why am I asking this question? The scene changes to Al at home preparing for the fight. Presumably, it's the next evening. Al wraps his hands up like Sagat from the game series Street Fighter. "Are you sure you want to do this, Al?" Peggy asked, massaging Al's shoulders. "I'm sure, Peg. I gotta teach that motherfucker a lesson," Al replied, shoving a mouth guard past his lips. Meanwhile, Bill was already waiting in the arena. Looks like my question got answered: they were fighting on top of Jello in a UFC octagon. Hold on a second: UFC wasn't established until 1993 and this episode aired in 1989. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much, but this detail bugged the shit out of me. The scene changed rather suddenly to Al and Bill's fight. All of the Huxtable children were watching the fight, along with Al's family. To my surprise, Kelly was actually watching the match intently instead of reading a magazine or doing her nails. Bill delivered a powerful right hook to Al's jaw, dislocating it and causing four teeth and blood to fly out of his mouth. Rudy, Vanessa, Sonja, Denise, Claire, and Theo cheered while Peggy, Bud, and Kelly stared in shock and awe at their father getting his ass kicked. What followed next disturbed me. Bill reached down and grabbed some Jello before forcing it down Al's throat. Al began to twitch violently as the oxygen began escaping his lungs at an alarming pace. Bill held his hand over Al's mouth until the latter stopped moving. Bill Huxtable had won the fight. The last shot of the episode was Al's lifeless body laying on top of the Jello while his family cried in the background. After forty seconds, the episode ended. What the fuck was that shit?, I asked myself. How in the fuck did this piece of shit air? ''I continued eating my McDonald's until I was so rudely interrupted by a knock at my door. I went to answer it, only to find Bill Cosby himself standing on my porch holding numerous boxes of grape Jello and several cookies & cream Pudding Pops. How the fuck did Bill motherfucking Cosby find out where the flying fuck I live? I blame Google. "I was waiting for you to see my greatest creation," Bill said, smiling as he offered me a Pudding Pop. Greatest creation? Greatest creation!? That episode was a load of horse shit! I began yelling at Mr. Cosby as I grabbed the pudding pops and ran into my house. Bill Cosby, however, followed me inside and began telling me how he really did severely injure Al's actor Ed O'Neil in the episode, saying it was his best performance since ''Leonard Part 6. I was in no mood for guests, so I shoved Mr. Cosby out of my house and went back to eating. As I ate the delicious pudding pop and my McDonald's, all I could hear was Bill Cosby rambling about Jello and Jello Pudding products. Man, what a weird life I lead. Category:CreepyPasta Article Category:Lost Episodes Category:SillyPasta Article